Zoe Elizabeth - Entering the World
I seriously feel unlike myself for the lack of writing that has taken place within the last 3 months. Zoe will be 3 months old in 5 days. The thought of her growing so fast overwhelms me. It confuses me. My friend posted her birth story today, and it made me realize I have GOT to take the time to jot some of my memories. I realize I'm forgetting some things. Already. I'm forgetting the exact thoughts going through my head when Dr. Harris said, "this baby is coming today." I'm forgetting the way very new skin feels and how holding a 6 lb 12 oz baby feels. I'm forgetting the crazy conversations I had with the nurses and anesthesiologist when they were preparing me for my spinal block. Their efforts to distract me with conversation helped a little. I was so crazy excited to be meeting my sweet girl that I didn't care what they poked me with or how they got her here, as long as she was healthy. Ok I am getting way ahead..Let me start over:
Zoe's due date was set for May 4th. I was suppose to finish student teaching May 2nd. I had a day or 2 that I debated actually doing my student teaching this semester because of worrying that I wouldn't be able to finish. Somehow, I just knew that it was the right thing to do to go ahead and do it. My heart broke to tell Kaydan and so many other students and teachers that I loved at FDES goodbye, but I knew without any hesitation that God was going before me and there were great things ahead. I was so right. Fast forward - April 17th came and my back was killing me. When I say killing me, I mean I was hunched over at school feeling nauseated it was hurting so bad. Howevvvvver, my back had been hurting for weeks. My legs had been killing me for weeks. Aching was nothing new to me. I did have Mrs. Gardner telling me, "Haley, just go home. Really. This is how I felt with my two. Just back pain. I'd bet you're having that baby soon." And still I was like...no. I'm good. So thankfully I had a doctor's appointment scheduled for that afternoon (seriously, thank you Lord!). Fast forward a couple hours again...I was dilated 4 cm. At my last visit, Zoe was breech. We had decided to schedule a c-section for that reason. Despite the 5,000 things you can do to try to flip a baby, (not that I tried them all), this baby girl was perfectly happy the way she was. I prayed constantly that God would just turn her around if it was His will, but an ultrasound again confirmed that she was still breech. I had the craziest peace about the entire situation. I had considered carrying my hospital bag with us to the doctor's appointment "just in case" but had decided against it. Needless to say, I should have taken it. I also had left my cell phone at home (who does that!?!?) andddd had scheduled maternity photos for that afternoon so I was trying to contact my photog to inform her we weren't going to be having those anymore.
We arrived at the hospital, and I then needed to answer 10 million questions. All I could think was "how on earth are they expecting me to think clearly?? I am about to have a BABY. My life is about to change FOREVER. I am not concerned with these questions." It took everything in me to calm down and focus on the "paperwork." Jody had to leave me to come home to get all of our things. My parents were rushing home from Savannah. So here I was, by myself, writing Zoe Elizabeth Arnold on this girl's birth certificate paperwork completely amazed that she is about to enter the world. I even asked the nurses, "does everyone freak out when they write their child's name like this? I mean, I'm naming my baby! My baby! I've waited almost 9 months and I'm about to see her, like for real." They said, "This is your first baby right?" "Yes, how did you know?" *sweet smiles* :) Totally a first time mama here. Finally, they took me into the "hook you up to the IV (poke, poke, try again, and again...ughhh), wear the ugly hospital gown (did I mention I had my own [cute one] but didn't even care at this point?), and ASK YOU A HUNDRED MORE QUESTIONS" room. This place wore me out. I hate IVs. Hate.them. I did get to watch the monitors that told me I was having a contraction. I only felt a little pain in my back. NOT what I expected. Where was this excruciating pain I had heard about? I know it sounds dumb, but I was hoping to feel that pain (just for one second!), and I'm sad I can't write about it (seriously, I know not to wish that on myself..trust me I am THANKFUL) but how weird is it that the birth pains that even the Bible mentions, I didn't really have? Anyway, finally my family arrived. My poor mama. Bless her heart. She looked so scared for me, but she was trying to hold it together. If I ever knew that I was where I was suppose to be and Jesus was holding my hand, it was now. I was on cloud nine. Just so ready to hold my girl.
They strolled me down to the operating room. My nerves started bothering me..a little. I just couldn't believe we were really "having this baby!" I spent the majority of the next few minutes praying "these people know what they're doing." My nurse was so fabulous. She talked me through the spinal block, assuring me he was doing a great job and it was perfect. She told me I could rest my head on her shoulder. Do you know how wonderful that felt in that moment? To know I could find comfort in some stranger I didn't even know? Ah she was wonderful. So sweet and just so wonderful. Everything started going by so fast at this point. I wanted reassurance that I couldn't feel anything. I got it (long story). I didn't feel any sharp pain, but I felt the craziest tugging and pulling [insert mini rant here: C-section is not the easy way out. oh the RECOVERY. bless.) Watching Jody's face was priceless. Then all of a sudden, I heard him say, "Haley! I see legs!!!" Be still my heart. I bawled like the baby coming out of me. Well, not yet. I just had a few tears. Then that cry. Oh that precious cry. You know you're a parent when you think your child has "the most beautiful cry." How ridiculous is that? Oh but it is. This is where I cried my eyes out..and I soaked in every second. It was the most beautiful moment I have ever experienced and the best day of my life. Jody brought our little girl to be all cuddled in her blanket and put that little face next to mine. I saw her little hair that I had dreamt of and looked in those little eyes that looked a little terrified. I know it sounds insane, but I felt a little guilty. I wanted her here with me so badly, but she had been taken from her safe home inside of me. It was such a crazy rush of emotions. I wished more than anything she could understand what I was saying to her. I wanted her to hear and understand me when I assured her I would take care of her and I loved her more than words.
The next little (long) while was not ideal (my mini recovery time). And yes, I'm sure there are "better" ways to "have" babies where I wouldn't have been away from her for so long. Honestly, I was just to thrilled to even feel bad about not being with her or even miss her horribly. My baby was HEALTHY. I was HEALTHY. We were feeling fabulous. I was just so thankful we were ok, and we were going to be spending every moment cuddling and loving each other as soon as we could. Finally, they took me to my room and brought my sweet Zoe to nurse. It is a feeling unlike any other to hold a miracle for the first time. Jody handed her to me (his eyes just sparkled). We were in awe at this little girl. Almost 3 months later, I still am. Still in awe. Still so humbled that God would entrust her to me. My heart is full. Every day. Every moment - my heart is full of love. God gives us moments and people that teach us what it means to love purely. I am not blind to reality. I am so tired. My brain cells are dead..and gone. I get tired of reaching for the gripe water 500 times a day, and I'm not sure when my next shower will be. What I do know, is I have smiled more this summer than ever before. The smallest expressions from a sweet, tiny face have made me laugh. I see a daddy that loves his little girl more than anything, and we get to "do life" together. He is my hero, my biggest supporter.
My cup runneth over...
Zoe's due date was set for May 4th. I was suppose to finish student teaching May 2nd. I had a day or 2 that I debated actually doing my student teaching this semester because of worrying that I wouldn't be able to finish. Somehow, I just knew that it was the right thing to do to go ahead and do it. My heart broke to tell Kaydan and so many other students and teachers that I loved at FDES goodbye, but I knew without any hesitation that God was going before me and there were great things ahead. I was so right. Fast forward - April 17th came and my back was killing me. When I say killing me, I mean I was hunched over at school feeling nauseated it was hurting so bad. Howevvvvver, my back had been hurting for weeks. My legs had been killing me for weeks. Aching was nothing new to me. I did have Mrs. Gardner telling me, "Haley, just go home. Really. This is how I felt with my two. Just back pain. I'd bet you're having that baby soon." And still I was like...no. I'm good. So thankfully I had a doctor's appointment scheduled for that afternoon (seriously, thank you Lord!). Fast forward a couple hours again...I was dilated 4 cm. At my last visit, Zoe was breech. We had decided to schedule a c-section for that reason. Despite the 5,000 things you can do to try to flip a baby, (not that I tried them all), this baby girl was perfectly happy the way she was. I prayed constantly that God would just turn her around if it was His will, but an ultrasound again confirmed that she was still breech. I had the craziest peace about the entire situation. I had considered carrying my hospital bag with us to the doctor's appointment "just in case" but had decided against it. Needless to say, I should have taken it. I also had left my cell phone at home (who does that!?!?) andddd had scheduled maternity photos for that afternoon so I was trying to contact my photog to inform her we weren't going to be having those anymore.
We arrived at the hospital, and I then needed to answer 10 million questions. All I could think was "how on earth are they expecting me to think clearly?? I am about to have a BABY. My life is about to change FOREVER. I am not concerned with these questions." It took everything in me to calm down and focus on the "paperwork." Jody had to leave me to come home to get all of our things. My parents were rushing home from Savannah. So here I was, by myself, writing Zoe Elizabeth Arnold on this girl's birth certificate paperwork completely amazed that she is about to enter the world. I even asked the nurses, "does everyone freak out when they write their child's name like this? I mean, I'm naming my baby! My baby! I've waited almost 9 months and I'm about to see her, like for real." They said, "This is your first baby right?" "Yes, how did you know?" *sweet smiles* :) Totally a first time mama here. Finally, they took me into the "hook you up to the IV (poke, poke, try again, and again...ughhh), wear the ugly hospital gown (did I mention I had my own [cute one] but didn't even care at this point?), and ASK YOU A HUNDRED MORE QUESTIONS" room. This place wore me out. I hate IVs. Hate.them. I did get to watch the monitors that told me I was having a contraction. I only felt a little pain in my back. NOT what I expected. Where was this excruciating pain I had heard about? I know it sounds dumb, but I was hoping to feel that pain (just for one second!), and I'm sad I can't write about it (seriously, I know not to wish that on myself..trust me I am THANKFUL) but how weird is it that the birth pains that even the Bible mentions, I didn't really have? Anyway, finally my family arrived. My poor mama. Bless her heart. She looked so scared for me, but she was trying to hold it together. If I ever knew that I was where I was suppose to be and Jesus was holding my hand, it was now. I was on cloud nine. Just so ready to hold my girl.
They strolled me down to the operating room. My nerves started bothering me..a little. I just couldn't believe we were really "having this baby!" I spent the majority of the next few minutes praying "these people know what they're doing." My nurse was so fabulous. She talked me through the spinal block, assuring me he was doing a great job and it was perfect. She told me I could rest my head on her shoulder. Do you know how wonderful that felt in that moment? To know I could find comfort in some stranger I didn't even know? Ah she was wonderful. So sweet and just so wonderful. Everything started going by so fast at this point. I wanted reassurance that I couldn't feel anything. I got it (long story). I didn't feel any sharp pain, but I felt the craziest tugging and pulling [insert mini rant here: C-section is not the easy way out. oh the RECOVERY. bless.) Watching Jody's face was priceless. Then all of a sudden, I heard him say, "Haley! I see legs!!!" Be still my heart. I bawled like the baby coming out of me. Well, not yet. I just had a few tears. Then that cry. Oh that precious cry. You know you're a parent when you think your child has "the most beautiful cry." How ridiculous is that? Oh but it is. This is where I cried my eyes out..and I soaked in every second. It was the most beautiful moment I have ever experienced and the best day of my life. Jody brought our little girl to be all cuddled in her blanket and put that little face next to mine. I saw her little hair that I had dreamt of and looked in those little eyes that looked a little terrified. I know it sounds insane, but I felt a little guilty. I wanted her here with me so badly, but she had been taken from her safe home inside of me. It was such a crazy rush of emotions. I wished more than anything she could understand what I was saying to her. I wanted her to hear and understand me when I assured her I would take care of her and I loved her more than words.
The next little (long) while was not ideal (my mini recovery time). And yes, I'm sure there are "better" ways to "have" babies where I wouldn't have been away from her for so long. Honestly, I was just to thrilled to even feel bad about not being with her or even miss her horribly. My baby was HEALTHY. I was HEALTHY. We were feeling fabulous. I was just so thankful we were ok, and we were going to be spending every moment cuddling and loving each other as soon as we could. Finally, they took me to my room and brought my sweet Zoe to nurse. It is a feeling unlike any other to hold a miracle for the first time. Jody handed her to me (his eyes just sparkled). We were in awe at this little girl. Almost 3 months later, I still am. Still in awe. Still so humbled that God would entrust her to me. My heart is full. Every day. Every moment - my heart is full of love. God gives us moments and people that teach us what it means to love purely. I am not blind to reality. I am so tired. My brain cells are dead..and gone. I get tired of reaching for the gripe water 500 times a day, and I'm not sure when my next shower will be. What I do know, is I have smiled more this summer than ever before. The smallest expressions from a sweet, tiny face have made me laugh. I see a daddy that loves his little girl more than anything, and we get to "do life" together. He is my hero, my biggest supporter.
My cup runneth over...
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